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CoA - Children of Addiction

This is not a label we attach to youth or adults - rather, it is a way of stating that a common characteristic in too many homes is alcohol or drug addiction. Addiction affects everyone in the home, not just the person using.

FACT: COA's who bottle their feelings may become very defensive and have trouble identifying and taking care of their own needs.

FACT: COA's are four times more likely to become addicted to alcohol or drugs than people who do not have an addiction in their family.

Unwritten Rules in Homes of Addiction

DON'T TALK: COA's learn quickly that if their parents won't talk about the alcohol or drug problem in the family, they shouldn't either

DON'T TRUST: COA's struggle with trusting the people in their home and other people in their life (i.e. school, extended family, authority figures, and peers)

DON'T FEEL: If a COA can't talk about the problems associated with the addiction in their home, they have a hard time trusting the people closest to them and therefore protect their true feelings by showing only feelings that will help them cope.

It is human nature for people to protect themselves from physical and emotional harm by using many different defenses. COA's use defenses to protect and hide their feelings. Unfortunately, in an almost constant state of crisis or fear, COA's can't always judge when it's safe and healthy to show their true feelings and when their defenses are necessary for the short term protection of their feelings. The list of common defenses can include but it not limited to:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Displaced Humor
  • Silence
  • Trying to do Everything
  • Isolation at Home
  • Eating
  • Thrill or Attention Seeking Behaviors
  • Sarcasm
  • Nervous Chatter

If you come from a home with alcohol or drug problems, or you know someone who does, here are some resources for support:

  1. Contact Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous for a listing of COA groups in your area. LCAD keeps lists and phone numbers at our office.
  2. Find a Counselor - look for one who understands alcohol and drug problems in families. This could include a school counselor, minister, or health professional. If you can't find someone, continue to ask people for support and any resources they are aware of.

RESOURCES

National Association for Children of Alcoholics
888-554-COAS or 301-468-0985
www.nacoa.org

Adult Children of Alcoholics
310-534-1815 (message only)
www.adultchildren.org

Alateen/Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters
888-4AL-ANON
www.al-anon.alateen.org/

CHECK OUT THESE BOOKS:

Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz

Guide to Recovery: A Book for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert Gravitz and Julie Bowden

It Will Never Happen to Me by Claudia Black